The Death of The Moth by Virginia Woolf
Moths that fly by day are not properly to be called moths; they
do not excite that pleasant sense of dark autumn nights and
ivy–blossom which the commonest yellow–underwing asleep
in the shadow of the curtain never fails to rouse in us. They are
hybrid creatures, neither gay like butterflies nor sombre like
their own species. Nevertheless the present specimen, with his
narrow hay–coloured wings, fringed with a tassel of the same
colour, seemed to be content with life. It was a pleasant morning,
mid–September, mild, benignant, yet with a keener breath than
that of the summer months. The plough was already scoring the field
opposite the window, and where the share had been, the earth was
pressed flat and gleamed with moisture. Such vigour came rolling in
from the fields and the down beyond that it was difficult to keep
the eyes strictly turned upon the book. The rooks too were keeping
one of their annual festivities; soaring round the tree tops until
it looked as if a vast net with thousands of black knots in it had
been cast up into the air; which, after a few moments sank slowly
down upon the trees until every twig seemed to have a knot at the
end of it. Then, suddenly, the net would be thrown into the air
again in a wider circle this time, with the utmost clamour and
vociferation, as though to be thrown into the air and settle slowly
down upon the tree tops were a tremendously exciting
experience.
The same energy which inspired the rooks, the ploughmen, the
horses, and even, it seemed, the lean bare–backed downs, sent
the moth fluttering from side to side of his square of the
window–pane. One could not help watching him. One was,
indeed, conscious of a queer feeling of pity for him. The
possibilities of pleasure seemed that morning so enormous and so
various that to have only a moth’s part in life, and a day
moth’s at that, appeared a hard fate, and his zest in
enjoying his meagre opportunities to the full, pathetic. He flew
vigorously to one corner of his compartment, and, after waiting
there a second, flew across to the other. What remained for him but
to fly to a third corner and then to a fourth? That was all he
could do, in spite of the size of the downs, the width of the sky,
the far–off smoke of houses, and the romantic voice, now and
then, of a steamer out at sea. What he could do he did. Watching
him, it seemed as if a fibre, very thin but pure, of the enormous
energy of the world had been thrust into his frail and diminutive
body. As often as he crossed the pane, I could fancy that a thread
of vital light became visible. He was little or nothing but
life.
Yet, because he was so small, and so simple a form of the energy
that was rolling in at the open window and driving its way through
so many narrow and intricate corridors in my own brain and in those
of other human beings, there was something marvellous as well as
pathetic about him. It was as if someone had taken a tiny bead of
pure life and decking it as lightly as possible with down and
feathers, had set it dancing and zig–zagging to show us the
true nature of life. Thus displayed one could not get over the
strangeness of it. One is apt to forget all about life, seeing it
humped and bossed and garnished and cumbered so that it has to move
with the greatest circumspection and dignity. Again, the thought of
all that life might have been had he been born in any other shape
caused one to view his simple activities with a kind of pity.
After a time, tired by his dancing apparently, he settled on the
window ledge in the sun, and, the queer spectacle being at an end,
I forgot about him. Then, looking up, my eye was caught by him. He
was trying to resume his dancing, but seemed either so stiff or so
awkward that he could only flutter to the bottom of the
window–pane; and when he tried to fly across it he failed.
Being intent on other matters I watched these futile attempts for a
time without thinking, unconsciously waiting for him to resume his
flight, as one waits for a machine, that has stopped momentarily,
to start again without considering the reason of its failure. After
perhaps a seventh attempt he slipped from the wooden ledge and
fell, fluttering his wings, on to his back on the window sill. The
helplessness of his attitude roused me. It flashed upon me that he
was in difficulties; he could no longer raise himself; his legs
struggled vainly. But, as I stretched out a pencil, meaning to help
him to right himself, it came over me that the failure and
awkwardness were the approach of death. I laid the pencil down
again.
The legs agitated themselves once more. I looked as if for the
enemy against which he struggled. I looked out of doors. What had
happened there? Presumably it was midday, and work in the fields
had stopped. Stillness and quiet had replaced the previous
animation. The birds had taken themselves off to feed in the
brooks. The horses stood still. Yet the power was there all the
same, massed outside indifferent, impersonal, not attending to
anything in particular. Somehow it was opposed to the little
hay–coloured moth. It was useless to try to do anything. One
could only watch the extraordinary efforts made by those tiny legs
against an oncoming doom which could, had it chosen, have submerged
an entire city, not merely a city, but masses of human beings;
nothing, I knew, had any chance against death. Nevertheless after a
pause of exhaustion the legs fluttered again. It was superb this
last protest, and so frantic that he succeeded at last in righting
himself. One’s sympathies, of course, were all on the side of
life. Also, when there was nobody to care or to know, this gigantic
effort on the part of an insignificant little moth, against a power
of such magnitude, to retain what no one else valued or desired to
keep, moved one strangely. Again, somehow, one saw life, a pure
bead. I lifted the pencil again, useless though I knew it to be.
But even as I did so, the unmistakable tokens of death showed
themselves. The body relaxed, and instantly grew stiff. The
struggle was over. The insignificant little creature now knew
death. As I looked at the dead moth, this minute wayside triumph of
so great a force over so mean an antagonist filled me with wonder.
Just as life had been strange a few minutes before, so death was
now as strange. The moth having righted himself now lay most
decently and uncomplainingly composed. O yes, he seemed to say,
death is stronger than I am.
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