THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal.
They weren’t only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which
way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than
anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this
equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution,
and to the unceasing vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper
General.
Some things about living still weren’t quite right,
though. April, for instance, still drove people crazy by not being springtime.
And it was in that clammy month that the H-G men took George and Hazel Bergeron’s
fourteen-year-old son, Harrison, away.
It was tragic, all right, but George and Hazel
couldn’t think about it very hard. Hazel had a perfectly average intelligence,
which meant she couldn’t think about anything except in short bursts. And
George, while his intelligence was way above normal, had a little mental
handicap radio in his ear. He was required by law to wear it at all times. It
was tuned to a government transmitter. Every twenty seconds or so, the
transmitter would send out some sharp noise to keep people like George from
taking unfair advantage of their brains.
George and Hazel were watching television. There
were tears on Hazel’s cheeks, but she’d forgotten for the moment what they were
about.
On the television screen were ballerinas.
A buzzer sounded in George’s head. His thoughts
fled in panic, like bandits from a burglar alarm.
“That was a real pretty dance, that dance they just
did,” said Hazel.
“Huh?” said George.
“That dance – it was nice,” said Hazel.
“Yup,” said George. He tried to think a little
about the ballerinas. They weren’t
really very good – no better than anybody else would have been, anyway. They were
burdened with sashweights and bags of birdshot, and their faces were masked, so
that no one, seeing a free and graceful gesture or a pretty face, would feel
like something the cat drug in. George was toying with the vague notion that
maybe dancers shouldn’t be handicapped.
But he didn’t get very far with it before another noise in his ear radio
scattered his thoughts.
George winced. So did two out of the eight
ballerinas.
Hazel saw him wince. Having no mental handicap
herself she had to ask George what the latest sound had been.
“Sounded like somebody hitting a milk bottle with a
ball peen hammer,” said George.
“I’d think it would be real interesting, hearing
all the different sounds,” said Hazel, a little envious. “All the things they
think up.”
“Um,” said George.
“Only, if I was Handicapper General, you know what
I would do?” said Hazel. Hazel, as a matter of fact, bore a strong resemblance
to the Handicapper General, a woman named Diana Moon Glampers. “If I was Diana
Moon Glampers,” said Hazel, “I’d have chimes on Sunday – just chimes. Kind of
in honor of religion.”
“I could think, if it was just chimes,” said
George.
“Well – maybe make ‘em real loud,” said Hazel. “I
think I’d make a good Handicapper General.”
“Good as anybody else,” said George.
“Who knows better’n I do what normal is?” said
Hazel.
“Right,” said George. He began to think
glimmeringly about his abnormal son who was now in jail, about Harrison, but a
twenty-one-gun salute in his head stopped that.
“Boy!” said Hazel, “that was a doozy, wasn’t it?”
It was such a doozy that George was white and
trembling and tears stood on the rims of his red eyes. Two of the eight
ballerinas had collapsed to the studio floor, were holding their temples.
“All of a sudden you look so tired,” said Hazel. “Why
don’t you stretch out on the sofa, so’s you can rest your handicap bag on the
pillows, honeybunch.” She was referring to the forty-seven pounds of birdshot
in canvas bag, which was padlocked around George’s neck. “Go on and rest the
bag for a little while,” she said. “I don’t care if you’re not equal to me for
a while.”
George weighed the bag with his hands. “I don’t
mind it,” he said. “I don’t notice it any more. It’s just a part of me.
“You been so tired lately – kind of wore out,” said
Hazel. “If there was just some way we could make a little hole in the bottom of
the bag, and just take out a few of them lead balls. Just a few.”
“Two years in prison and two thousand dollars fine
for every ball I took out,” said George. “I don’t call that a bargain.”
“If you could just take a few out when you came
home from work,” said Hazel. “I mean – you don’t compete with anybody around
here. You just set around.”
“If I tried to get away with it,” said George, “then
other people’d get away with it and pretty soon we’d be right back to the dark
ages again, with everybody competing against everybody else. You wouldn’t like
that, would you?”
“I’d hate it,” said Hazel.
“There you are,” said George. “The minute people
start cheating on laws, what do you think happens to society?”
If Hazel hadn’t been able to come up with an answer
to this question, George couldn’t have supplied one. A siren was going off in
his head.
“Reckon it’d fall all apart,” said Hazel.
“What would?” said George blankly.
“Society,” said Hazel uncertainly. “Wasn’t that
what you just said?”
“Who knows?” said George.
The television program was suddenly interrupted for
a news bulletin. It wasn’t clear at
first as to what the bulletin was about, since the announcer, like all
announcers, had a serious speech impediment. For about half a minute, and in a
state of high excitement, the announcer tried to say, “Ladies and gentlemen – “
He finally gave up, handed the bulletin to a
ballerina to read.
“That’s all right –” Hazel said of the announcer, “he
tried. That’s the big thing. He tried to do the best he could with what God
gave him. He should get a nice raise for trying so hard.”
“Ladies and gentlemen” said the ballerina, reading
the bulletin. She must have been extraordinarily beautiful, because the mask
she wore was hideous. And it was easy to see that she was the strongest and
most graceful of all the dancers, for her handicap bags were as big as those
worn by two-hundred-pound men.
And she had to apologize at once for her voice,
which was a very unfair voice for a woman to use. Her voice was a warm,
luminous, timeless melody. “Excuse me – “ she said, and she began again, making
her voice absolutely uncompetitive.
“Harrison Bergeron, age fourteen,” she said in a
grackle squawk, “has just escaped from jail, where he was held on suspicion of
plotting to overthrow the government. He is a genius and an athlete, is
under–handicapped, and should be regarded as extremely dangerous.”
A police photograph of Harrison Bergeron was
flashed on the screen – upside down, then sideways, upside down again, then
right side up. The picture showed the full length of Harrison against a
background calibrated in feet and inches. He was exactly seven feet tall.
The rest of Harrison’s appearance was Halloween and
hardware. Nobody had ever worn heavier handicaps. He had outgrown hindrances
faster than the H–G men could think them up. Instead of a little ear radio for
a mental handicap, he wore a tremendous pair of earphones, and spectacles with
thick wavy lenses. The spectacles were intended to make him not only half
blind, but to give him whanging headaches besides.
Scrap metal was hung all over him. Ordinarily,
there was a certain symmetry, a military neatness to the handicaps issued to
strong people, but Harrison looked like a walking junkyard. In the race of
life, Harrison carried three hundred pounds.
And to offset his good looks, the H–G men required
that he wear at all times a red rubber ball for a nose, keep his eyebrows
shaved off, and cover his even white teeth with black caps at snaggle–tooth
random.
“If you see this boy,” said the ballerina, “do not
– I repeat, do not – try to reason with him.”
There was the shriek of a door being torn from its
hinges.
Screams and barking cries of consternation came
from the television set. The photograph of Harrison Bergeron on the screen
jumped again and again, as though dancing to the tune of an earthquake.
George Bergeron correctly identified the
earthquake, and well he might have – for many was the time his own home had
danced to the same crashing tune. “My God –” said George, “that must be
Harrison!”
The realization was blasted from his mind instantly
by the sound of an automobile collision in his head.
When George could open his eyes again, the
photograph of Harrison was gone. A living, breathing Harrison filled the
screen.
Clanking, clownish, and huge, Harrison stood in the
center of the studio. The knob of the
uprooted studio door was still in his hand. Ballerinas, technicians, musicians,
and announcers cowered on their knees before him, expecting to die.
“I am the Emperor!” cried Harrison. “Do you hear? I
am the Emperor! Everybody must do what I say at once!” He stamped his foot and
the studio shook.
“Even as I stand here –” he bellowed, “crippled,
hobbled, sickened – I am a greater ruler than any man who ever lived! Now watch
me become what I can become!”
Harrison tore the straps of his handicap harness
like wet tissue paper, tore straps guaranteed to support five thousand pounds.
Harrison’s scrap–iron handicaps crashed to the
floor.
Harrison thrust his thumbs under the bar of the
padlock that secured his head harness. The bar snapped like celery. Harrison
smashed his headphones and spectacles against the wall.
He flung away his rubber–ball nose, revealed a man
that would have awed Thor, the god of thunder.
“I shall now select my Empress!” he said, looking
down on the cowering people. “Let the first woman who dares rise to her feet
claim her mate and her throne!”
A moment passed, and then a ballerina arose,
swaying like a willow.
Harrison plucked the mental handicap from her ear,
snapped off her physical handicaps with marvelous delicacy. Last of all, he
removed her mask.
She was blindingly beautiful.
“Now” said Harrison, taking her hand, “shall we
show the people the meaning of the word dance? Music!” he commanded.
The musicians scrambled back into their chairs, and
Harrison stripped them of their handicaps, too. “Play your best,” he told them,
“and I’ll make you barons and dukes and earls.”
The music began. It was normal at first – cheap,
silly, false. But Harrison snatched two musicians from their chairs, waved them
like batons as he sang the music as he wanted it played. He slammed them back
into their chairs.
The music began again and was much improved.
Harrison and his Empress merely listened to the
music for a while – listened gravely, as though synchronizing their heartbeats
with it.
They shifted their weights to their toes.
Harrison placed his big hands on the girl’s tiny
waist, letting her sense the weightlessness that would soon be hers.
And then, in an explosion of joy and grace, into
the air they sprang!
Not only were the laws of the land abandoned, but
the law of gravity and the laws of motion as well.
They reeled, whirled, swiveled, flounced, capered,
gamboled, and spun.
They leaped like deer on the moon.
The studio ceiling was thirty feet high, but each
leap brought the dancers nearer to it. It became their obvious intention to
kiss the ceiling.
They kissed it.
And then, neutralizing gravity with love and pure
will, they remained suspended in air inches below the ceiling, and they kissed
each other for a long, long time.
It was then that Diana Moon Glampers, the
Handicapper General, came into the studio with a double-barreled ten-gauge
shotgun. She fired twice, and the Emperor and the Empress were dead before they
hit the floor.
Diana Moon Glampers loaded the gun again. She aimed
it at the musicians and told them they had ten seconds to get their handicaps
back on.
It was then that the Bergerons’ television tube
burned out.
Hazel turned to comment about the blackout to
George.
But George had gone out into the kitchen for a can
of beer.
George came back in with the beer, paused while a
handicap signal shook him up. And then he sat down again. “You been crying?” he
said to Hazel.
“Yup,” she said,
“What about?” he said.
“I forget,” she said. “Something real sad on
television.”
“What was it?” he said.
“It’s all kind of mixed up in my mind,” said Hazel.
“Forget sad things,” said George.
“I always do,” said Hazel.
“That’s my girl,” said George. He winced. There was
the sound of a riveting gun in his head.
“Gee – I could tell that one was a doozy,” said
Hazel.
“You can say that again,” said George.
“Gee –”
said Hazel, “I could tell that one was a doozy.”
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